Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
