Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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