you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
