I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
