They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
