You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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