8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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