Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
