I want to have your abortion
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
