I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
