In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
