Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
