My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
