would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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