What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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