That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I supernannyed him into submission
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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