R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
