Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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