yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
