Non-Jews are for practice
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
