He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
