It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
