watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
