I didn't shave. On purpose
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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