Who did Billy Mays play for?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
