Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
