Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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