you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
