it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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