we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
