I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
