I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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