Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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