OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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