did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
