is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
