toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
