whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
