I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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