mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
