so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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