You just made me feel so damn special
I'm drive I can fine osifer
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
