I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
