yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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