I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just had sex on a roof
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
