I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
