After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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