Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
