I cannot find my penis.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
