guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
