good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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