wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
