:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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