Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
