Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
